Robyn Writes

I Hate Karl Lagerfeld by fightclubsandwich

At first, I found this article difficult to start. My focus would spiral madly away into this weird confessional bit about how fashion is kind of a difficult business to identify with, being composed as it is of a glut of giant moneyspinning corporations, the rules they make and the rules they follow, and then clusters of individuals and subcultures and the rules they make and the rules they follow. It all got rather horribly complicated, until it dawned on me that it didn’t have to, this is a simple enough topic so why would it need a complicated introduction?

I hate Karl Lagerfeld. You see? Simple!

All fashion journalists seem to think of Karl Lagerfeld – the current head of Chanel, for those who might not know, and hey why should you? – as some sort of eccentric German grandfather figure of the design world, like Dr Emmett Brown from Back To The Future but with less gadgetry and more shoes. In a hyper-serious industry like fashion, his quirkiness is the only injoke. This is perhaps the first reason that I do not like him. Nobody likes an injoke that they are not part of, and the callous broadcast of injokes to the lives of people who “weren’t there” and thus do not get it is teeth-clenchingly irritating. Here at TBO, for example, we have plenty of injokes amongst the staff, but we are aware that they are of no interest to the average reader who was not present for the joke’s birth. Consequently we keep our damn mouths shut.

My main problem is that after doing my research into this joke, I still don’t think he’s a good one. I refuse to enjoy or even tolerate his “quirky” quotations, which, to the sensible mind, are not so hilarious or witty as they are bratty, banal or just plain cruel. In terms of the latter, how about the suggestion that “fashion is the healthiest motivation for losing weight”? Or “Luxury is for the rich, not the nouveau riche.” The smugness that saturates such brush-offs is, in my opinion, unbearable. Uh, hello, when has it been okay to use a phrase like nouveau riche in a context devoid of sarcasm without getting punched in the mouth? Oh, there is a world outside of the fashion industry? Poor people live there? Oh how quaint! I don’t get how anyone could find such comments endearing. I am under no illusions; if I met Karl Lagerfeld under whatever circumstances, I have no doubt that he would be cruel and dismissive of “my kind” so why should I give him the time of day? Snobby people deserve the loathing of those they look down upon because it evens the playing field, they need to be reminded that hating others is not a mark of sophistication and superiority, that we can hate you back.

I suppose I also despise what Karl Lagerfeld represents, as a part of the fashion industry. I got kinda interested in clothes through my mother, who taught me to sew and knit, but it was only when I first attended university – leaving a school with a set uniform to wear every day – that I really started to see any practical application to any of it. “Oh wait, people actually wear clothes, in the real world. Oh no, all my fellow students dress really well!” Of course, by the time I reached university I was already stuck in my weird-geeky-stubborn-misfit-y niche, so I got interested in fashion with a pre-set distaste for authority. Maybe I’m just repulsed by the idea that Lagerfeld’s persona (rather than his actual merit as a designer) is enjoyed predominantly by those cliquey types who consider themselves “insiders”, in a way, with some kind of acute awareness of how the highest echelons of the industry works. This only gives feed to the idea – in paranoid brain like my own – that their joke, their common knowledge is a way of keeping us out. It’s a party to which only the people who care and the people who are in the know get an invite.

Lagerfeld seems to enjoy painting himself as some kind of pastiche of an authoritative figure. Is the whole point of his persona an indication that in the sprawling mess of the fast-moving fashion world, the idea of an iron fist to rule it all is absurd? Nah, I wouldn’t credit him with an actual sense of humour. I mean, come on:

“I built up my own reality. I created something I can cope with in life. I enjoy luxury and being the centre of my own intact world.”

Barf.

Ways To Deal With Those Fucking Hardcore Dancers by ninthandash

You know how it is. You’re at one of your first hardcore shows. Converge have just come on stage, and you’re pretty excited. The crowd are noisy, the music’s even noisier, and all in all it’s shaping up to be a good night. Then you start getting pushed back as a circle opens up. The singer’s screaming into a mic, and there’s about to be a breakdown in the music. All signs point to a pit — and hardcore pits are, without a doubt, some of the best and most extreme.

So you’re getting ready to jump in there, but some kids beat you to it. And instead of thrashing or slamdancing, they’re doing some other weird thing. They’re swinging their arms around wildly, in a circle, and doing something that looks like skanking but, well… it isn’t. It’s like some bastardized form. The hardcore veterans around you start scoffing and mocking them. And this? This is your first experience of a horrible thing called hardcore dancing.

It’s a stupid name, for a start. The terms hardcore and dancing together are antonymous. They’re not supposed to go together. Moshing is acceptable, and skanking is always good. But hardcore dancing isn’t. When it started, it was an expression of the music, just like anything else. But slowly, it’s become something different. Scenesters do it in order to look cool. It stops everyone else from having a good time. And they usually have little or no concern for the people around them. So what do you do? How do you stop this so-called ‘dancing’ from occurring?

Stage 1: Glaring.
This is more glaring in their general direction. It’s incredibly hard to catch someone’s eye when they’re windmilling about or, worse, attempting to two-step. In order to have more of an effect, sometimes the glaring is combined with hands on hips. If you can find enough space, that is.

Stage 2: Getting In The Way.
They can’t dance if there’s no room to dance, right? So you edge a little further towards them. Maybe dig an elbow into their ribs when they get too close, or stick a foot out in a hopeful attempt to trip them up. It doesn’t work, though. You’ll just get hit in the face by one of their flailing arms.

Stage 3: Verbal Harrassment.
All forms of subtlety gone, your patience is beginning to wear thin. It was bad enough during the support band, but they’re continuing into the headlining set. You hear a few cries of “FUCKIN’ SHITHEADS,” and “GET THE FUCK OUT.” Hardcore kids are never the most imaginative ones when it comes to insults, but for once you don’t hesitate in joining them. It’s not just dancing; it’s more than that. It’s personal.

Stage 4: All Out War.
It never usually goes past more than four stages. Hardcore is not synonymous with patience, and most hardcore kids are renowned for their short tempers. The dancers have had their warnings. They must be well aware that they’re annoying everyone else in the venue. And their friends have taken the shitty MySpace photos of them that they wanted. But they’re still continuing, so they’re asking for it. At this point, the other hardcore kids join the circle. Instead of dancing, they take over and turn it into a hardcore pit. Remember: it’s not truly over until all of the dancers have had a fist to the face. Otherwise, they’ll just never learn!

Required Watching:
Sick Of It All – Step Down.
A.F.I. – The Leaving Song Pt II.
A Day To Remember – The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle.
Hatebreed – I Will Be Heard.

Review: Empires – Howl (by ninthandash)

Tom Conrad has a lot riding on this release. After leaving The Academy Is… in 2006, not much was heard from Conrad until late 2007 when the formation of the band empires was announced. The band were constantly writing and creating songs through the whole of 2007, beginning the recording process in October and completing it four months later. The album, named Howl, was available for free download online, and included a selection of Conrad’s photography.

Howl opens with the atmospheric ‘Spit the Dark’, creating a dark, addictive sound that soon builds into a much catchier refrain. Van Vleet’s vocals aren’t showcased as well as they possibly could be for the ever-important first impression, but the band certainly show their talent for upbeat, clever rock songs. ‘I Want Blood’ follows this, and is a definite contrast to the slow-building ‘Spit the Dark’, crashing straight into the once-again addictive beats and this time Van Vleet’s vocals work well. From another band, it could be construed as too much too soon, not allowing the listener to gain a sense of progress from one song to the next. However, empires manage to make it work, and the song definitely both gains attention and manages to hold it. ‘Modern Love’ is different again, following the distinctive empires feature of switching from slow, stripped sections to fuller, more energetic ones.

‘Believe’ has a definite Beatles-esque feel to it, and the use of chorus on certain lines sits well with the tone of the song. A mostly acoustic song, empires seem to have attained the perfect balance of quieter moments building up to stronger refrains, Van Vleet asking don’t you want to believe? in an infectious, melodic tune. ‘Late Night Rendezvous’, by contrast, has much more of a Men, Women & Children tone. The dance influence is strong, and sounds a little bit too much like At Night I Like To Fight for it to have the strong impact it would otherwise deserve.

‘Warning Mark’ is one of the only, if not the only, songs on the record that has a touch of similiarity. The song itself is in no way generic, but has a familiar tone to it, in a way that gives that feeling of have I heard this before? Nothing about it seems to stick and, although I hate to call it a ‘weak spot’, it is definitely one of empires’ less solid songs. ‘Don’t Let It Fool You’ is over two minutes in length, but seems much shorter, almost acting as an introduction for ‘Under The Bright Lights’. This is, in my opinion, one of empires’ strongest songs from the album. Powerful and moving, Van Vleet tells the listener we’ll watch the sky explode in half, and the entire atmosphere of the last night on earth, of watching the — as Van Vleet says — sky explode in half is definitely present. ‘Under The Bright Lights’ has to be ultimately empires’ greatest triumph, creating a sense of feeling that many of the other songs come close to but fail to achieve.

If anything, there is a sense of too much from Howl. The songs seem undecided on being slow ballads, or faster and catchier rock songs, and the mix of both ensure the record comes across as feeling more like listening to your favourite radio station than a debut album. Some of the songs are perhaps too different, and can be a little confusing, but if anything empires have definitely made sure they cannot be placed into a definite genre, choosing instead to sample everything they can — and, surprisingly, they do it well.



3.5 out of 4 high fives.

Why honors college is absolutely ridiculous by Nox

Originally posted by Nox in 2009

This year, I graduated from high school and started honors college. It’s pretty crazy, and there’s several things about it which are totally stupid, so I decided to compile a list of a few reasons why honors college is absolutely ridiculous.

1. Minimum of 15 hours required.
Now, this may seem easy enough to handle; however, when most classes are credited as three hour classes and lab sciences are credited as four the hours begin to build up. Before you know it you are bogged down with 17+ hours, which, if you don’t already know, is an insane amount especially for an entering freshmen.

2. Forum
Honors Forum may or may not be required, but in my case it is so just pay attention. In normal forums you are required to read a book and write a reaction paper. Not so bad until you have to tie that paper in to community service projects. You must weigh out pros and cons of projects and decide if they are logical for your area. This takes some thought and creativity on your part.

3. Tricksters
Friends and advisors can be tricky resources when deciding what classes to take. Naturally, your advisor is going to have all the faith in the world in you. Flattering really, that is until you get into the classes that they claim you will be able to handle. Be careful and watch what you are taking. Do your best to research teachers and assignments by using past students as resources. Find out who assigns the most essays and who gives the best notes. Take this to heart, it is extremely important. Remember you are capable of anything, but don’t pile too much on yourself at one time. Just because your friend is taking twenty hours doesn’t mean you need to. They may have a schedule full of electives. Even if they don’t, just remember how stressed out you get under pressure — don’t set yourself up for that.

4. Internships / Hidden agendas
Make absolutely sure of your class requirements before you enroll. Classes that are listed as honors classes and not contracted do have a reason for being such. Some classes may be paired with an internship or external project. Check with your advisor and the prospective teacher ahead of time so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. Again, hours come into play. Often these external requirements have a weekly minimum hour schedule, meaning if you are taking 18 hours and you stack a three hour project on top then really you are getting 21 hours and wearing yourself awfully thin. Be careful.

Now, these are simply pointers. There are perks to being in honors college.

1. Friends
Honors students are some of the most well rounded people you will ever meet. Various personalities are found in the honors pool of people, but each of them have passed experience with working in a group and working incredibly hard. Therefore, on the first day you already have something in common. (:

2. Teachers
Teachers treat you differently as an honors student. They expect more from you and do not treat you like you are in high school. This can be extra important when you are trying to tackle serious issues on campus, like enforcing no smoking zones. Teachers also tend to favor you because they know you are ready to work and are not there just to make your parents happy. It shows that you have a goal and you want to excel in your academic career.

3. Scholarships
Ah, free money! Being accepted in an honors program always comes with some form of financial aid. Who doesn’t love free stuff? Now, maybe you are one of those people that has the tuition covered, but think about this. Most honors scholarship can be stacked; therefore, you can use the money towards books, supplies, and even food!
Major pluses come with the hard work honors college entails, but you really have to be willing to work for it. So, all things considered, if you are absolutely crazy then you should totally apply for honors college. But if you are a slacker and just barely skim by as it is, you should steer clear — honors will eat you alive.

Live: Henry Rollins – The Assembly Leamington Spa, 17/1/10

NB: this is slightly spoiler-esque. It’s hard to talk about it without mentioning a couple of stories, so if you haven’t seen him yet and plan to, read this later!

I had been waiting for this night for a very, very long time. Ever since I became a fan of Henry Rollins as an author, I was dying for the chance to see him on his spoken word tour, but for three years, every time he visited the UK, I was unfortunately out of the UK. For some reason, his tours always coincided with the family holiday. Conspiracy? Quite possibly. After speaking to my mother this afternoon and fangirling out about how incredible he was, the sound of terror in her voice was fairly noticeable. After all, Henry Rollins is one of my all time heroes.

So, I rolled into “Leemington Shpa” (in the words of Henry himself), met up with my people and trundled off to The Assembly to see if Henry Rollins really was the man I thought he was. After being seated for an hour with nothing to see, I was beginning to become a little disheartened. But then, after various musical interludes, he burst through the side door and strode up to the microphone and I became reassured. He grinned at us and I knew that we were in good hands. First impressions then? Everything about Henry screams punk rock. From the way he stands to the tattoos and from the hair he let go grey to the plain clothes he wears, he’s still punk as fuck. Also, I noticed that he never, ever uses fillers when he speaks. There are no “umm”s or “err”s in his speech at all, it’s just straight up and surprisingly eloquent for such a straight forward guy. Maybe that’s not something everyone else looks for in a speaker, but when you’re stood up there for three hours talking, it’s extremely impressive.

I knew from Youtube videos that Henry is a very, very funny guy, but I wasn’t expecting quite so much humour. Not that it was a bad thing – in fact, it helped to lighten up some of the more serious stories he told to keep your attention – but it was definitely something I didn’t anticipate. At times, I felt bad for my friends as I laughed my ass off, only to realise that they were doing it too. Henry’s William Shatner impression is definitely one of the best things I have ever seen, so if you can Youtube it (I thus far haven’t really seen any decent quality videos), do it! He’s also a very loud man, so be prepared for that.

But of course, with Henry Rollins being the type of guy he is, it’s not all humour. He has a ridiculous range of interests and the show bounced around from talking about hanging out with the McKayes and the Bad Brains on election day to planning a two month trip across Asia from Riyadh to Bhopal in India for the 25th anniversary of the Union Carbide gas explosion (which happened to be on my birthday… way to bring a downer onto that one). All of his tales are larger than life and Henry has done some incredible things. The way he talks about these incredible things is thoroughly entertaining, frank and honest. As I expected, there was a message behind a lot of his stories. Talking about his “internets” browsing, he brought up an anecdote about finding a ton of racist comments on a picture of Michelle Obama and then went forth to explain about free speech and how why those people have a right to say awful things, they shouldn’t because racism sucks. Of course, it’s all stuff I heartily agree with, but it is so awesome to hear that one of your heroes is willing to stand up against all the weak minded hating individuals that you find across the world. It is also awesome to hear him tell you about spreading The Stooges and another 50 or so gigs of music to a young Sri Lankan boy to pass around his friends. Because when it comes down to it, Henry Rollins is just a pretty cool guy.

It was great to hear some entertaining tales from his past and his ideas on everyone getting along, but the one anecdote that struck me the most was his story of giving the graduation speech for a Californian university last year. He described how he went up and gave this speech and how amazing it was to see those young people go out into the world, armed with knowledge and curiosity, and how people should never stop asking why until they reach the solution. Now that… that was inspirational. As a student myself, I realise that I have the potential to do anything, and even if that’s just entering the world with an open mind, that’s a step closer to ending all this fucking drama the world has going on, to put it in the simplest of terms.

So, Henry spoke for three hours, non-stop (and even apologised for doing so), and we left, feeling reaffirmed in life and generally very jovial. It’s a very uplifting show, a very funny show, a very hard hitting show and above all, a very awesome show. Whether you like punk rock or not, Henry Rollins is essential viewing/reading material. I urge you to go and see him and experience nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. Always controversial, never overrated. That’s Henry Rollins for you.

5 out of 5 high fives!