Robyn Writes

So this is the new year (resolutions of 2009) by Nox

What is a new year’s resolution? Why do people seem to make such a fuss over it? Moreover, how come the only time we ever hear about these resolutions besides at New Year’s is when they’re broken?


Well.

A New Year’s resolution is a goal a person sets for themselves, something they want to improve or achieve in the year, after reflecting on the previous year and realizing their mistakes, priorities, or what they would like to better in their lives or themselves. Usually, there are the generic ones such as cure cancer, bring world peace, stop world hunger, etc., but here at Two Beats Off we’re not trying to win a beauty pageant. Therefore, here are our New Year’s Resolutions!

Ripper:

My New Year’s resolutions are always completely and utterly ridiculous. Some of the ones I achieved last year were getting a better haircut and completing a Final Fantasy game. This year, I might be a little more serious though. This year, I aim to make sure this zine keeps going one way or another, because well… TBO is kinda cool. There’s the usual ‘get fit’ one, because no matter what, I’m always unhappy with my appearance. There’s a special condition for it – being female. I want to make sure I get into a good university, so actually studying would be a good one, instead of relying on just sheer luck and talent. I want to finish a novel this year, considering I have about three half finished ones on the go. And, because I can’t not make a geeky one, learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons properly!

ninthandash:

I always find it difficult making resolutions, but here goes. This year, I want to start doing things again. I feel like I put things off too much and waste a lot of my time. I want to make good use of it. I want to look back and feel like I’ve achieved things. I’m also going to try be less of a commitmentphobe, and stop pushing people away because I’m scared of where it might lead. I don’t want to be a coward. Finally, I want to get a job, go to uni, and I want to start a band. Here’s to ’09, baby.

Nox:

I have a few things I would like to do this year. Mainly, I plan to let go of one particular hopeless cause I have been clinging to for too long. On a different level, I’m going to try to be less introverted. I think I’ll take more chances. I decided I play it too safe and honestly, it gets quite boring. This year I would like to see Chicago, New York, and Denver. Also, I plan to be less of a heart breaker. It’s bad karma you know? Seriously though, I will be more cautious around others. Finally, a quick run down of lesser things: read a lot of books from my list, sing louder, write more, keep my straight A streak, keep up with my friends better, and hopefully get a baby turtle named Ringo.

fightclubsandwich:

fightclubsandwich was unavailable to comment at the time, so we’ve decided that we’re going to give her some. Whether she likes them or not. So, we reckon that she’ll want to start or join a punk rock knitting circle and make jumpers filled with revolutionary stitching, be able to co-ordinate better with Ripper when they go to gigs, start a band and write some kick ass fiction.

soufex:

I’m not an advocate of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve always held the belief that if you really want to change yourself, you’ll change it now, and in my experience, most people manage to keep their resolutions for about five minutes. However, it’s nice to feel like you have a clean slate and a new year for a ‘new you’… or at least a ‘slightly improved you’.

Now, I am an angry person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Henry Rollins makes a living out of being an angry person. Anger is a good thing, it’s a healthy thing. Good things have come from being angry; revolutions have changed the world we live in!

The problem is, too many of us – myself included – don’t use this energy and passion constructively as often as we could. It’s far too easy to sit around and complain at length and volume about something we disagree with, but not use the opportunity to change or better ourselves or the world around us.

So that’s my New Year’s resolution – not to be a less angry person, but a better angry person!

But, we decided to get you involved this time, and we’ve had some pretty cool responses. So, here’s our readers’ New Year’s resolutions!

Richard’s resolution:

My resolution is not to make a resolution. That way I can break it immediately and not have to worry about it, while having a laugh at all resolutions’ expense.

Hab’s resolution:

To learn to control my drink. I think a few people can vouch for that!

Alice’s resolution:

To bag myself a surfer. It could happen, you know.

Ben’s resolution:

1) Quit masturbating (I failed this one on the 2nd January)

2) Get the girl, get the job, get the car

3) Get fit for summer.

Hannah’s resolution:

Find a rich man at university… or marry Fernando Torres!

Mike’s resolution:

To quit that nasty oxygen habit I have… no, really, I want to learn to be more
understanding of people this year.

Heather’s resolution:

I want to learn to dance, because I’m a big fan of Strictly Come Dancing and I think it would be sweet if I could pull off some of those moves. Also, quitting smoking would be good.

James’ resolution:

Read more books. It might be a smart idea, considering I want to go to Oxford University!

Megan’s resolution:

I want to find myself a wench. It’s been too long since I had a girlfriend!

NaNoWriMo – Only The Insane Need Apply

It’s only the 4th of November, and already, NaNoWriMo has consumed my life.

NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, is an event thought up by Chris Baty in 1999. It takes place from the 1st to the 30th of November. Out of the huge amount of participants (number in total), three out of six TBO writers (myself, fightclubsandwich and ninthandash) are taking up the challenge this year, and we’re already finding it difficult to hit the daily average word count.

You might be thinking “Wait, word count? What does that mean?” It means that you have to complete a 50,000 word novel (although they never frown upon more) in thirty days.

And now you see why we’re crazy.

In order to hit the goal, you have to write 1667 words a day. It’s not impossible, and I’ve been hitting that target or beating it over the last couple of days. In fact, in order to catch up, I wrote over 3000 words yesterday. But, this took me around two to three hours when I was meant to be doing a history essay. I stayed glued to my pen and paper instead of talking to my friends during lunch time. I know that during the course of this month, I will be staying up late into the night in order to catch up. The novel doesn’t have to be perfect, which is something that many NaNo writers stress about. After all, you can call NaNoWriMo the first draft. You’ve then got time to perfect it and turn it into that best seller. In fact, many NaNo writers have used their NaNo novels and become best sellers in America.

So, all of the stress and tears and self-deprecation for what? The gratification of knowing that you’ve written a novel. The feeling of completing something on such a massive scale in such a short time span is incredible. I’ve written a novel once before, but over the course of around a year. I couldn’t believe how I had managed to put so much effort, sleepless nights and cups of coffee into a piece of work. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be exactly the same with NaNoWriMo. Except with a few more cups of coffee and sleepless nights.

We all have our vices. Mine aren’t sex, drugs and rock and roll, they’re video games, caffeine and literature. So for the next thirty days, goodbye, free time and hello, unpredictable characters, a faulty plot and overstyled dialogue. I can tell I’m going to love every minute of it.

Leeds Festival 2009 – Friday (a review by ninthandash)

FRIDAY.

Leeds Festival. Two words that will give anyone from the North of England either happy memories or a resentful frown. Last year, being unable to go, I was sadly the latter. But this year, I made it. I’m writing this from my bed, a novelty which has not yet worn off for me, and I’m so covered in bruises that I was considering attempting to play connect-the-dots – an idea I quickly threw away once I touched the pen to my arm and remembered all over again how sore I was. This, of course, is my way of beginning to explain what a fucking fantastic week-end it was.

I cleverly decided to bring a friend along with me who hadn’t heard of most of the bands who were playing, aside from the obvious, and who wasn’t a fan of many of the bands she had heard of (Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, etc). This meant that I could slyly enforce my own schedule upon her while saying, eyes wide, “But are you sure there’s nowhere else you’d rather be?” Of course, there wasn’t, leaving me free to rejoice in all the live music I wanted. I am a total live music whore, I’ll admit it right up. If it’s a band I’ve never heard of, I’ll listen (and probably dance, being unable to sit still). If it’s a band I don’t like… I’ll still dance. Hence the busy schedule – I was determined to make the best of my time.

The weekened opened with Mariarchi el Bronx. I’d heard tell of the Bronx’s mariarchi set and was intrigued to give it a chance. There wasn’t much else that I would be missing, so we headed on down to the Main Stage and seated ourselves comfortable. I’ll admit right now that I know next to nothing about mariarchi; Wikipedia tells me that it’s from Mexico and consists of of at least three violins, two trumpets, one Spanish guitar, one vihuela, one guitarrón and occasionally a harp.

Thanks to Mariarchi el Bronx, I also know that it’s forgettable. Mariarchi music is not something that interests me, in fact; it sounds like music that I expect to hear in the elevator or maybe when put on hold during a phone call. The costumes amused me, the stage presence was disappointing, and the reaction from the crowd was, understandably, almost none. Opening the main stage on a Friday afternoon is difficult, nevertheless, Mariarchi el Bronx were not, in my opinion, a success.

Up next were Fightstar, and we decided to stick around out of interest. Known to most as ‘Charlie-from-Busted’s-new-band’, Fightstar sounded mostly like a lot of noise… and not in a good way. (Yes, there is a good way.) I, personally, can never take them seriously after Busted, and Fightstar sound like a poor imitation of many better bands – so why not listen to the better bands instead? The most interesting part of their set was when the people around me started yelling out Busted songs as requests. I was hopeful that Charlie & co would play an impromptu version of ‘Air Hostess’ – sadly not.

Heading over to the Lock Up tent, I managed to get front row for Chuck Ragan. I’d heard nothing of his music before, aside from a pretty spectacular cover of ‘Wreck of the Old 97’ from a punk rock Johnny Cash tribute album, but as the ex-frontman to one of my all time favourite bands, Hot Water Music, I figured he was worth a look. And he was.

Chuck is now a folk singer/songwriter, and his music is catchy and fun while having a deeper tone to it. I knew he was doing folk, but I didn’t expect to find it as enjoyable as I did. It was one of my Leeds festival highlights, and Chuck has a great stage presence, even going so far as to throw free CDs into the audience at the end (although, I’ll admit I ducked, not wanting a sharp edged CD cover to hit my head at high speed).

At the NME tent, we managed to catch half of Metric’s set, including the fantastic ‘Monster Hospital’. Emily Haines is an amazing frontwoman, stomping around the stage in a glittery dress that I unashamedly coveted. However, they soon made way for the artist we were really there to see: Patrick Wolf.

Patrick Wolf is every inch a performer, with nothing but dramatic openings and gestures from start to finish. This isn’t to say that the focus is taken away from his music, rather, it adds to his performance and becomes a part of it. Appearing on stage in one of his famous unusual outfits, white-blond hair tied back, Patrick displayed his amazing singing talents, going on to also demonstrate his keyboard-playing abilities. With a costume change halfway through the set, not to m ention some surprisingly earnest banter, Patrick never failed to entertain, including his gloriously indulgent twirls along the barrier. Definitely one of my Leeds festival highlights.

The next band we caught the end of were Mad Caddies at the Lock Up tent. They were undeniably fun, and you only had to glance at the audience to see that they were having an amazing time. Skanking and dancing all over the place, it was riotous entertainment and I couldn’t stop smiling during the whole three songs I was there.

After Mad Caddies, I made my way to the barrier for The Bronx. Not sure what to expect after their lack of stage presence and, frankly, dull performance earlier as Mariarchi el Bronx, I was pleasantly surprised when they arrived on stage in a whirl of energy. Screaming and throwing himself around the stage, Matt Caughthran at one point climbed halfway up the tall pole in the middle of the tent and did a backflip into the audience, setting the tone for the rest of the set.

It was impossible to stay still during their particular brand of noisy punk rock, and the set was over surprisingly quickly. At one point, Caughthran stood up on the barrier and demanded that all crowd-surfers be sent to him, ‘to deal with’. If I’d been tall enough to see and not flinging myself around in the pit, I’m sure that it would have definitely been something worth remembering.

After The Bronx finished and I’d had time to recuperate from their energetic set, Thursday took the stage. This was the third time I’d seen Thursday and they were similar each time, satisfactory and enjoyable but not particularly gripping or exciting. ‘Consistent’ would be the best word to describe them, and they did their best to get the crowd involved.

Friday finished up with Rise Against. The atmosphere was phonomenal before they even took the stage, with the tent packed full, causing barely enough room to breathe. Everyone was excited, and the music playing only added to the tension, with spontaneous sing-alongs to Jimmy Eat World’s ‘The Middle’ and Blink-182’s ‘Dammit’. Rise Against finally delivered an amazing show, playing a wide selection of songs and gaining a fantastic response from the crowd. They were the perfect choice to finish the night, and left me feeling exhausted in the way that means I know I’ve had a good night.

Kraken by China Mieville (a review by Charlotte)

From the very first instant of encounter, from just its purple, tentacular beauty, Kraken is an intense experience. I fancy it would stand out even in the Vatican Library, the Library of Alexandria, and probably also the library of Lord Dream of the Endless. Find it, glowing, between the Necronomicon and the Gospel of Jesus. More concisely, it’s pretty. Pretty pretty pretty. Cold shower pretty.

The curtains rise with the spotlight on Billy Harrow, curator and specimen preserver extraordinaire, roped in to give a tour, the centrepiece of which is a magnificent Architeuthis, a giant squid. It is a remarkable specimen, most especially, as Billy, having worked on the process, knows, for its virtually flawless preservation. It also happens, contrary to all logic and laws of nature, to have utterly vanished.

For a chapter you get the sense of being in the middle of nothing more peculiar than a mystery thriller that is perhaps a shade eerier than it has any right to be, but before you start feeling secure, Kraken explodes out around our intrepid hero and starts to get seriously, well, weird. In short order, we meet a cast of thousands, ranging from supernatural crimelords, their hired brains and their hired brawn, to the Met’s supernatural squad, to a Marxist shabti who traded toiling for some forgotten pharaoh in the Field of Reeds for organising a union strike of magical assistants. Those that aren’t after the Architeuthis (and by extension, Billy) for whatever nefarious reason are nonetheless dragged into the squiddy fray.

The impossible squid/no squid is just the first of the breakneck inversions that riddle the plot and are played out by a cast of characters as myriad and varied as that of the real London. Inevitably, this means you’ll occasionally feel your favourite ideas and characters won’t have the playing time you would have liked. Above all, Officer Collingswood needs her own book. It could consist purely of her hurling ever more inventive profanities at the reader and I would still sell my brother to pay for it.

Another aspect of this is that the ending comes as something of an anticlimax, with all the grand plans failing and a simpler, barely foreshadowed course of action saving the day. While I was perverse enough to enjoy what happened, there was a definite blink-and-you-miss-it quality to proceedings. Really, though, I doubt anyone who gets within the last quarter of Kraken will still be reading for the conclusion – the journey there is too interesting. And more apocalypses need to be averted through wordplay and logical argument, if only to screw with the Hollywood special effects departments.

Plot and characterisation and all that shit aside, my favourite thing about Kraken is that China Miéville is the biggest fanboy of all time. The very words bubble with superhuman enthusiasm, in their Latinate polysyllabicism, their Hellenic technicality, their Anglo-Saxon bluntness that comes both as gallows humour and a punch to the guts. In practice, those who go into raptures over the man’s vocabulary are matched by those who just wish he’d get to the bloody point, but damn it’s a vocabulary.

The core of the novel is a spirit of I Think This Is Cool, Let Me Show You which is infectious and endearing. And, William Hope Hodgson’s ‘The Hog’ turned on its head (Cutest. Demonpig. Ever.) and run through I Can Haz Cheezburger? Literature has been working towards that moment since the Epic of Gilgamesh.

In conclusion, I can only advise most strongly that if you read only one New Weird- apocalyptic-detective-weird -political-thriller-mystery novel this year, you should make it Kraken. Or at least tell me which other one you find.

Jisan Rock Valley Festival (a review by Nox)

At the beginning of this month, I went to the Jisan Valley Rock Festival. If you’re wondering what on Earth that is, I would advise you to look to the right on your globe and locate South Korea. Seeing as I am currently there, that should give you some insight!

Now the Jisan Valley Rock Festival is held in none other than Jisan Valley, which is actually a ski resort during the winter months. Naturally, the stages were set up all along the bottom of the Valley; however, the camping was on the sides of the mountains! I can inform you after a night of sleeping on the side of a mountain -continuously waking up to push yourself back up to your pillows because gravity is pulling you down and making you half-consciously assume at any moment someone is going to slip too far and go tumbling down the stone-ridden hill pulling the tent and everyone inside with it – that the following morning may possibly be one of the sorest moment you will ever experience.

Fortunately, such bad camping grounds are worth it with a line up including bands such as Muse, Mute Math, Vampire Weekend, Massive Attack, Third Eye Blind, Kula Shaker, and Pet Shop Boys. Not to mention Korean punk band Galaxy Express who covered I love Rock and Roll with a Female vocalist, as well as a medley containing ACDC, Green Day, Queen, and quite a few more. Also there were Korean metal bands such as Crazy for Crash and several DJs, which isn’t surprising considering South Korea hosted the World DJ Festival just months before.

The festival was something similar to a Korean Bonnaroo, only less environment-friendly. The resort offered a pool with massive blow-up water slides, floating trampolines, and other large floats to play on. The food varied from traditional Korean food to BBQ to pizza, coffee, and hotdogs. Not to mention enough alcohol to drown a city, which was served in buckets (which you may recognize as the ones your baby sister used to build sand castles with at the beach). The merch tents were so offbeat it was humorous. Not only were local shops there, but also one could find Calvin Klein underwear, Beats by Dr. Dre, and even Crocs. As a side note, any time we walked anywhere it was always up or down an incline. Anytime we wanted to retreat back to the tent we had to walk up half a mountain, literally. But none of the exhaustion mattered, because this festival was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

The music was excellent, and even at night while sitting outside of our tent we could still hear the music pulsating through the valley. In fact, we heard a Beach Boys cover band, Korean style. We also heard Pet Shop Boys and quite a few DJs from our spot on the slope. Unfortunately, we missed the first day of the festival so sadly we did not get to see Vampire Weekend. However, we did see Mute Math put on one hell of a show. (Best song: Reset) While waiting for that show we caught Crazy for Crash, who are metal to the core and produce some pretty decent moshes. The following and final day we saw Galaxy Express who are rock stars if I ever saw them and reminded me a lot of Green Day in their mannerisms as well as showmanship. Third Eye Blind is not necessarily a band I particularly like, and I didn’t like the new heavy sound they are currently going for. However, they also produced a decent show and kept the crowd enthused. Kula Shaker is a Britpop band I wasn’t familiar with. They came onto the scene in the mid 90’s and had one catchy hit “Hush” that I’m sure most people will recognize from something somewhere. Apparently, they were much more popular internationally than in America so I may sound a little biased. Anyway, they had an excellent show and are definitely a band with a note-worthy sound. Finally, the night ended with Muse. Now I have seen Muse before back in ’06, but this was so much bigger than that. I have never seen so many lasers in my entire life. Not only that but they came in with their own screens to put on top of the existing screens to make trippy filters for the live stream of the stage. They played songs from all albums, and continued song after song to out do themselves. At the end they launched huge eyeball balloon/beach balls into the crowd.

Lastly, as we made our way back to our tent to pack up and go home the festival began the night’s final farewell firework show. It last for at least fifteen minutes and was gorgeous. Huge, expensive, beautiful glittering fireworks lighting up the night sky is an excellent way to end such a fantastic festival.