Review: The Masquerade – Home Is Where You Make It

Eugh. The Masquerade: four quintessentially American adolescents who have grabbed the wrong end of the stick and refuse to refute their grip. If you can hold back the overwhelming natural instinct to turn off their debut E.P Home Is Where You Make It and hurriedly delete every trace of it from your computer then I take my hat off to you. It’s such an unrewarding listen it’s almost offensive. In fact it is rather saddening that the lifeless, saccharine and nasal drivel that The Masquerade purveys even constitutes as pop-punk. C’mon guys, sure pop-punk is supposed to exist within a certain comfort zone, but Home Is Where You Make It remains devoid of any charm, soul or value. Milo Goes To College is obviously lost on these guys.

For starters, the E.P boasts a production so sanitised the producer may as well have thrown a bucket of bleach over the entire mix and scrubbed until his hands were raw. A radio-primed sheen is overbearing, hyper-editing having flattened the sonic plain into a bland miasma of triggered drums and a perpetual nasal-bleating from the vocalist that makes Tom Delonge sound downright gruff in comparison. Their apparent ambition: a sanitised amalgamation of generic pop/punk riddled with an astounding array of clichés, delivered thick and fast until the tracks border on boorish parody.

Even after some frantic searching, any originality or notion of idiosyncratic micro-nuance remains defiantly absent. It seems The Masquerade are intent on toeing a generic line, condemning themselves to the grand honour of acting as support band to others who peddle the exact same cliché-core piffle, yet manage to execute with aeons more style and substance than these four Nickelodeon-styled lads. Pithy major key breakdowns are scattered across the arrangements, watered-down and lifeless; carrying all the punch of a Steven Hawking right hook, despite the staggering array of plug-ins and effects that no doubt have been thrown on the mix.

Opening track ‘The Weekend’ could easily soundtrack the closing credits to a direct-to-video American Pie spin off, its chorus hook of “Let’s make this last forever” acting as a not so subtle nod/rip-off/pastiche of Blink 182’s ‘First Date’, albeit minus the any ounce of humour. It’s mall rat pop-punk, where the entire ‘punk’ label is applied with the upmost nominalism, manifesting solely in a selection of ill-advised tattoos and facial piercings. Even the hooks fail to reel in interest with even the slightest degree of catchiness. Quite simply, this is lame pop music masquerading as punk – even a token pinch-squeal or “mosh” part fails to lift Home Is Where You Make It from being a horrid and tepid excuse for a record with a lyrical array that extends no further than variations on having a really fun weekend.

The Masquerade, aka My First Pop-Punk Band. Gloriously awful stuff.

1 out of 5 high fives!

Live: Empire/Planecrasher/Layers – The Firefly, Worcester, 1/8/13

So. A baking hot school night in a provincial city in middle England. Three stories up above a side street and behind a sprawling new Asda… we have some bands. Three sweaty examples of the best the Midlands scene has to offer. And at £3 in – that’s a whole quid a band -seriously, what’s not to love?

First up – Empire. Billed as Faith No More does hardcore, these boys were bright as you like. A simple but highly effective riff-heavy sound of drums, bass and lead providing a rock solid platform for the hugely, hugely impressive vocal range of their charismatic and snake-hipped front man. And yep, this boy has a genuine touch of a young Mike Patton in manner and delivery. These guys are maybe what you might call post-emo: crystal clear vocals, but with a scuzzier feel to their melodic sound than the Alkaline Trio-s of this world. For sake of comparison, there isn’t quite the nails-hard edge here that you find, say, in Mr P’s works peri or post Faith No More – and no down low screaming from the legendary crouch… But then, who wants to rehash the trademark stage antics of a man who when given his own free artistic rein does songs about sex with food (Mr Bungle – google it, people). In all, Empire work up a really interesting sound, with stacks of potential – and the vocalist in particular deserves more superlatives than I can give him here. A couple of their tracks had a groove that kind of got right down into your pelvis, and I believe you can find the video to one of these – ‘Blackheart’ – on that facetube right now. Go see it and give these good people your support.

Now. Planecrasher. Sounding initially like a wall of ultra-heavy stoner, but with way more spark and crank than than this moniker implies – this was utterly engaging and unashamed carnage. Loud as sweet merry fuck, with said wall of noise decorated with twiddly guitar detailing straight out of Gregg Ginn’s SCT playbook and pure filth basslines straight out of Trouser Minnow-era Rapeman – Hereford’s Planecrasher are aptly named. This was weapons-grade chugging that could take out a fucking airbus. These guys obviously know their hardcore history (the influences of the band were plain to see from the bassist’s Shellac T-shirt, which was apparently gifted by the very hand of the speccy fruitcake Albini himself) – and this was a fair joyous fusion of Big Black, Iron Monkey, Black Flag and Kyuss. Think a waaay gnarlier QOTSA and you won’t be far off the mark. However. Josh Homme and friends are damp as a wet Christmas live – not so these fellows. The towering brute on lead guitar and vocals was obviously the alpha monkey of the group, but the ball of dreddlocks on the four string was pretty much the star of the show, totally going off to his dirty, dirty music. Point of note is that they even drove the uber-geek front man from Fights and Fires away from the front of the stage, eventually. It was either the aural onslaught, or he needed a pee. Maybe the latter.

A few words about the drummer, too. Every stick man should be slightly off his nut. Goes with the job description. And the nuttier they are the harder they play. And in my book, he (or she) can never play too hard. And the wiry little Iggy-a-like in this band played like he hated that shaky kit more than the man who had just killed his cat. Brutal.

Last on – Layers. These cheeky chappies really look the part. A very modern, good-looking bunch of lads – including the mega-bearded chrome dome in the Billy Talent T-shirt on lead, who had a style and stage presence evident in the face of tech adversity he had to gamely deal with. Bouncy and energetic as hell and no shortage of poke – if they’d been able to get into their stride fully this band would probably have taken the roof off. The pool of hip kids they had clustered around the stage were visibly bursting to hear them play, and they coped with the tech difficulties that interrupted the set very well indeed – launching right back into it with vigour and professionalism once the various guitar issues got sorted. Their sound is decidedly “now” – taking influences from hardcore and pop punk, even some pure metal – and mixing it freely with no mind to genre or orthodoxy – with soul and R&B. Plan B meets Let Live? That’d actually be a disservice – mainly because the geezer that helped butcher the Sweeney remake hasn’t got an ounce of the spunky freshness of the vocalist in this outfit – and nowhere near his soaring, gospel-quality delivery. You’ll make good pros gentlemen, if all the internet whispers about you come to fruition. Ones to watch indeed.

And finally… just a shout out to the people behind these gigs too. Every town dreams of having its own scene. Well, any town with self-awareness and personality. And through the efforts of a local crew of promoters (Surprise Attacks) there may, just may, be the first sparks of one starting here. With things apparently mobilising behind the scenes, a stable of bands representing for the local area (Fights and Fires and Thirty Six Strategies not least), and some fairly awesome gigs – Crucial Section, Baby Godzilla, HDQ – booked at this same venue (the Firefly) over the Autumn, here’s hoping that the Wu really is on the rise. Who knows. Or dares to dream.

4.5 out of 5 high fives!

J-Pop Sunday – The Gazette

Sitting here in a red Hawaiian shirt I feel far too brightly dressed to be writing about The Gazette, yet here I am. The Gazette is the sort of band that appeals very much to a certain faction of the Tumblr crowd: After all, attractive Japanese guys acting all edgy and dark while attacking guitars on stage make for a good .gif animation – I should know; my ex sent a few of them my way on many occasions. But we’re here for the music, so let’s rock.

And every 16 year old alternative girl in the room swoons.

Quick Guide:
Act Name: The Gazette
Line-up:
Takanori Matsumoto (松本孝則) A.K.A “Ruki” (ルキ): Lead Vocals & Guitar
Kouyou Takashima (高島宏陽) A.K.A “Uruha” (麗): Guitar
Yuu Shiroyama (城山優) A.K.A “Aoi” (葵): Guitar, Acoustic Guitar & Backing Vocals
Akira Suzuki (鈴木亮) A.K.A “Reita” (れいた): Bass Guitar & Piano
Yutaka Uke (受毛豊) A.K.A “Kai” (戒): Drums & Backing Vocals
Years Active: 2002 – Present
Genre: Metal
Kaito’s Choice Tracks: Silly God Disco (2006), Remember the Urge (2011), Shiver (2010)

The Gazette falls firmly into the J-Rock sub-category of “Visual Kei”. We’ll quickly touch upon that before we talk about The Gazette themselves. First appearing in the late 80s/early 90s – mainly thanks to rock band X JAPAN – Visual Kei is what would have happened if glam rock went all edgy and gothic and moved to Japan when it was a teenager. In the world of VK the look and style of the band is just as important to their success as their music is and VK bands – including The Gazette – often make regular appearances in glossy photo-shoots in fashion magazines as well as the Visual Kei subculture focused magazine SHOXX. You just need to scroll back up the page to the photo of the band to understand the concept of Visual Kei. Although blessing it with the word “concept” seems a bit far. “Thing” might be more appropriate.

On to the music! I find that most of The Gazette’s music falls into one of three categories: The first is catchy upbeat melodic heavy rock – these are usually the tracks that I like. The second category is typical heavy metal shouty noises set to heavy metal guitar noises. Those I’m not so fond of. The third category would be the ballads that are included in albums to break up the stream of heavy noises. In hindsight my three track choices for this edition of J-Pop Sunday all fit into that first category which doesn’t make for great journalism – and I apologise for that – but I’m not a journalist, I’m a columnist. So I’m allowed pick, choose and say whatever I like. Anyway, here’s my first pick “Silly God Disco”, from 2006.


I picked this track without watching the video beforehand…so…um…Enjoy those thighs, ladies!

Contrary to what you made be thinking, I did not choose “Silly God Disco” as a pick because it has a daft title. It’s the funky bassline that I enjoy as well as the challenge of trying to determine when Ruki switches between singing in English and Japanese.


We get it; cameras are bad.

“Remember The Urge” features a mix of The Gazette’s three styles in one song. The majority of it falls into the band’s melodic heavy rock category however it also features a shouty metal segment as well as a ballad section. Three styles come together to create one cracking song. As well as one obligatory nonsensical video.


Another video from the “Black & white looks soooooo edgy!” train of thought.

“Shiver” is my favourite track from the band. I love the chorus: I don’t know the lyrics, but I always try to sing along. The music itself also feels right, everything seems to come together the beat of the drums with the occasional tinkle of the ride cymbal, along with the ride and falls of the guitars which switch seamlessly between sharp staccato leaps and drops and more fluid changes in pitch and tone. It’s a fun song to listen to.

As always, this is just a small sample of what The Gazette has to offer. I’ll leave you with a few links to various official sites if you’re curious to find out more about the band and of course – with the band being so popular worldwide – there are no shortage of fansites, blogs and Tumblrrrssses devoted to the boys if you’re feeling adventurous which I’m sure you’ll be able to find using your internet search engine of choice. I just prey they don’t find this column; they’ll no doubt find something wrong with it. 16 year old girls are scary.

More on The Gazette:
Official Website (Japanese): http://www.pscompany.co.jp/gazette/
Facebook (English): https://www.facebook.com/pages/the-GazettE-Official/255684944526717
Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/gazetteSMEJ

Until Next Time!

State of affairs – August 2013

Hey everyone!

Quick note about updates this month. TBO will be operating on a reduced schedule at the moment. We’ll still be updating Wednesdays and Sundays (when I’m less of an idiot and remember to update it) but there’ll be a bit less stuff – probably just one article at a time. The reason being that I’m currently finishing my masters degree and it’s crunch time with regards to my final project. That’s going to get handed at the start of September, so we’ll be back to normal and more by then!

Thanks a bunch, everyone, for continuing to support us. You’re all wonderful, beautiful people.

xoxo – Robyn

Review: The Lagan – Where’s Your Messiah Now?

The Lagan are an Anglo-Irish celtic punk / rock band from Kingston Upon Thames in the UK – and Co Down in the old Country. And this is their debut long player. And you basically get exactly what it says on the tin. Featuring such diverse lyrical subject matter as drinking, fighting, lapsed Catholic guilt, manual work, drinking, a long history of social and economic displacement, drinking, maids with nut brown hair, fighting, drinking, emigration to the USA, drinking, redemption in the next life, and drinking – these ten songs make no pretence or attempt to go beyond the traditional Irish tropes. And yes, of course it had to end with ‘Fields of Athenry’. But this is utterly, utterly impossible to dislike.

There’s an honesty and a joy – reflected in the liner notes that essentially say thank you for listening, we just did this for fun – that is infectious. Some tracks – ‘Same Shite Different Night’, ‘Sailing East’, ‘Sunny Day in Southie’ – are front and centre Dropkick Murphys and Flogging Molly celtic-P fare. And pleasingly spiky. The rest is a more mainstream-sounding proposition, including several simply arranged trad Irish folk songs. Think the Dubliners with full colour tat sleeves, flesh tunnels in their ears and slightly more frisky politics. And you’d be about there.
These boys are currently on tour – a tour which, perhaps predictably completely avoids the West Midlands. It does however cross Yorkshire about four times and hit Luton in the Autumn. I guess the promoters in the second city – which has ever floated on a sea of plastic paddies and proud canal diggers, and where every second person on the southside of the city claims at least part Irish descent – must be a bit shit. More fool them. Get this lot at the Irish Centre, the Castle or the Dubliner in Birmingham and you’d be guaranteed both a sellout crowd and a fucking riotous celtic-P up of epic proportions.

Ultimately, this is the musical equivalent of ten straight pints of liquid craic. Like Guinness served properly – ice cold and with a shamrock neatly played in the top – it slips down easily. And just over half an hour later, even when you’re cut to the bone and fighting in the car park, you’re still smiling.

4.5 out of 5 high fives!