Ways To Deal With Those Fucking Hardcore Dancers by ninthandash

You know how it is. You’re at one of your first hardcore shows. Converge have just come on stage, and you’re pretty excited. The crowd are noisy, the music’s even noisier, and all in all it’s shaping up to be a good night. Then you start getting pushed back as a circle opens up. The singer’s screaming into a mic, and there’s about to be a breakdown in the music. All signs point to a pit — and hardcore pits are, without a doubt, some of the best and most extreme.

So you’re getting ready to jump in there, but some kids beat you to it. And instead of thrashing or slamdancing, they’re doing some other weird thing. They’re swinging their arms around wildly, in a circle, and doing something that looks like skanking but, well… it isn’t. It’s like some bastardized form. The hardcore veterans around you start scoffing and mocking them. And this? This is your first experience of a horrible thing called hardcore dancing.

It’s a stupid name, for a start. The terms hardcore and dancing together are antonymous. They’re not supposed to go together. Moshing is acceptable, and skanking is always good. But hardcore dancing isn’t. When it started, it was an expression of the music, just like anything else. But slowly, it’s become something different. Scenesters do it in order to look cool. It stops everyone else from having a good time. And they usually have little or no concern for the people around them. So what do you do? How do you stop this so-called ‘dancing’ from occurring?

Stage 1: Glaring.
This is more glaring in their general direction. It’s incredibly hard to catch someone’s eye when they’re windmilling about or, worse, attempting to two-step. In order to have more of an effect, sometimes the glaring is combined with hands on hips. If you can find enough space, that is.

Stage 2: Getting In The Way.
They can’t dance if there’s no room to dance, right? So you edge a little further towards them. Maybe dig an elbow into their ribs when they get too close, or stick a foot out in a hopeful attempt to trip them up. It doesn’t work, though. You’ll just get hit in the face by one of their flailing arms.

Stage 3: Verbal Harrassment.
All forms of subtlety gone, your patience is beginning to wear thin. It was bad enough during the support band, but they’re continuing into the headlining set. You hear a few cries of “FUCKIN’ SHITHEADS,” and “GET THE FUCK OUT.” Hardcore kids are never the most imaginative ones when it comes to insults, but for once you don’t hesitate in joining them. It’s not just dancing; it’s more than that. It’s personal.

Stage 4: All Out War.
It never usually goes past more than four stages. Hardcore is not synonymous with patience, and most hardcore kids are renowned for their short tempers. The dancers have had their warnings. They must be well aware that they’re annoying everyone else in the venue. And their friends have taken the shitty MySpace photos of them that they wanted. But they’re still continuing, so they’re asking for it. At this point, the other hardcore kids join the circle. Instead of dancing, they take over and turn it into a hardcore pit. Remember: it’s not truly over until all of the dancers have had a fist to the face. Otherwise, they’ll just never learn!

Required Watching:
Sick Of It All – Step Down.
A.F.I. – The Leaving Song Pt II.
A Day To Remember – The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle.
Hatebreed – I Will Be Heard.

1 Comment

  1. Ace
    January 26, 2012 / 11:22 am

    theres nothing worse than inconsiderate annoying quite obviously retarded douchebags than those “windmilling” in your direction whilst you try to savage whatever music you can actually pay attention to until you inevitably receive a fist to the face .
    fuck hardcore dancing

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